Eating your tea..?

New to the strange and unique city of London? Don’t feel alone as Suzanne Schneider experiences and reports on some strange behavior during her first weeks here.

“Have a butchers at those ones and twos! That woman has huge plates! “

“ Yeah! But imagine the pen and ink when she takes them off?

I was on the underground the other day and I heard two men chatting about some woman who had just sat down. They were clearly from East London – speaking Cockney English, and enjoying the slightly shocked look on my face as I thought they were referring to some parts of the female anatomy in a rather crude way.

After a search on Google, I eventually discovered that they weren’t making chauvinist comments, but rather speaking about her shoes, the size of her feet and the smell when she finally took the shoes off. That’s London for you! You think you’re in an English speaking country, but then you still get stumped by some things that are totally unique and strange in this city!

Cockney English was actually invented in the 19^th century by the criminal underworld in London, who needed a way of communicating, that wouldn’t be understood by outsiders (especially by the police). It was based on a sort of rhyming slang and although a bit confusing (to us non criminals!) it proved very functional when trying to avoid a nosey “piece of filth” (policeman)!

Still on the underground, I sat looking around at some of the people. It’s perfectly ok to look, but don’t get caught! One doesn’t make eye contact on the underground, and definitely don’t strike up a conversation with someone. Underground etiquette dictates that you keep to yourself, allow passengers off the train before rushing in to grab a seat for yourself, and always sticking to the right when standing on the escalators. Going left when you’re not actually moving is about equal to pulling the plug in the middle of a rock concert: stupid, dangerous and definitely stops the party from moving forward!

The Underground is a definite institution in London. It was the first underground system in the world, and was first opened in 1863. It has 270 stations, and covers about 400km of track – making it the longest metro system in the world, by route length. It is also the third busiest metro system in Europe after Moscow and Paris. (and probably also ranks quite high in the hot and smelly ratings, but no official records are currently available).

Moving out of the underground and into the fresh air (sunshine not always guaranteed) there are some great places to see. Try going to one of the large parks and walk around until you find your spot. Next, whip out a copy of Time Out magazine and flick through to find some places of interest. There are loads of things to do for people on a student budget and a bit of imagination.

Museums in the country are usually free, and some of the ones I’ve been to have seriously impressed! The British museum’s “Medals of dishonor” is an exhibition with a difference – showcasing medals that condone the recipients’ actions rather than honour them. This includes “Dishonorable medals” for the war in Iraq, environmentalist issues and consumerism. The Science museum, The Tate Modern and the Imperial War museum are also great, and show some of the amazing, imaginative and unthinkable things humans are capable of doing.

The one unimaginable, unthinkable thing Londoners can’t do, is going without their cup of tea! The British are the second largest per capita consumers of tea in the world, with an average of 2.1kg of tea being drunk, per person, per year! Strong tea, also called “Builders tea” is usually served with milk, in a mug. No longer the delicate bone china and crustless cucumber sandwiches from the Victorian era – “taking your tea” refers not only the actual drink, but also to a light meal in the late afternoon. Taking tea doesn’t always mean having tea though, and could include a pint or two.

So yes, the British way of life seems straight forward and easy to understand – but thinking you know what they’re talking about is a dangerous assumption! Being stopped by the filth for taking too much tea   might seem a bit of a drastic step, but then you’ve got to know that your drink can now refer to a meal, and your tea can actually be something not from a leaf but rather from a grain of cereal. Don’t argue and don’t pretend to understand. Remember: you’re bound to be stumped by some things that are totally unique and strange in this city!